Who is Bruce Farmerson?

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Every good story starts somewhere. Our story begins with Bruce Farmerson and his sons who have, behind the scenes, been running it up the guts since ages ago. Lovingly making Rugby Union what it is today… Bloody awesome.

Back in 1822. A young William Webb Ellis took a shortcut through Bruce’s farm and watched him running some defensive drills on a mob of sheep.

Webb Ellis, intrigued, convinced Bruce to teach him the beautiful art of what was to become the game of rugby union.

Word spread of Bruce. His on-field artistry and the powerful hypnotic effect his magnificent moustache and mullet had on opponents and fans alike.

Being a man of few words, he never sought the spotlight but in a rare moment of expressiveness (probably after a few sherberts), whilst walking home from the club was heard discussing his ambitions for rugby with the livestock.

“Rattle ya dags, get-in-behind and listen hard cos I’m only gonna say this once…

I have a dream, that one day every field shall be made the same size, the rough patches will be made soft, and the crooked lines will be made straight, and the glory of the game shall be revealed, and that all blokes and sheilas shall come together every Saturday at the after match function for a bit of a hooley”

Bruce, ever the visionary, made it his lifelong mission to spread and grow the game of rugby throughout the world.

Bruce sent four of his sons to the places where rugby was needed most…

BRUCE JNR – NEW ZEALAND

He sent Bruce jr. to NZ to meet up with his cousin the Earl of Ranfurly but on route his ship was attacked by pirates. The trophy he was tasked with delivering for the newly formed NZ competition was lost overboard in the struggle. But Bruce still delivered a trophy… one made out of wooden pirate legs (Colloquially known as the Log o’ Wood today).

FRANKLIN – USA

Franklin, the oldest and most athletic son, a prolific rower, fancied a trip over the pond to see what all the fuss was about so got in his rowboat and rowed from the coast of Galway to New York (and in the process becoming the first-person to row across the Atlantic).

FREDERICK – FRANCE

Fred was dispatched to France. Legend has it that after missing his ship, due to having to carry his lame horse on his back from Warwickshire, could be heard saying… “bugger it” as he disappeared into the English channel only to emerge the next morning at the Port of Calais.

GAVIN – SCOTLAND

And finally Gavin was sent to Scotland. In 1871 after having too many whiskeys he turned a cricket match and chasing haggis exhibition into a game of rugby.

LES – AUSTRALIA

In addition a fifth son, Les, the black sheep of the family was sent to Australia on the ‘Adelaide’, a special ship for insubordinate boys… boys that didn’t ever do their fair share during lambing season, buy their round at the pub or even bring a plate for the after match function.

Les continued to forge his own path often seen explaining the play-the-ball in the Bateman’s Crystal Hotel in Sydney and how it sped up the game and improved the games flow.

The Farmerson’s influence can be seen throughout Rugby history doing the hard yards when it’s needed most

1907 – What THE HELL IS that?

Franklin III’s role in the great breakaway US Rugby revolt of 1907 after deciding he needed to bring the real game of rugby to the US… one that didn’t involve blokes wearing helmets, tight strides and blouses.

1927 – SIDESTEPS SAVE LIVES

Gavin Farmerson IV invents the sidestep as he was forced to dodge a runaway tractor (because some dafty didn’t put the handbrake on) in the paddocks of Peebles in Scotland.

1935 – FRENCH RESISTANCE

Fred III, successfully campaigning to introduce tackling into the rugby fields of France which the French, at the time, considered to be an inconceivable physical impossibility…

Fred was also responsible for several other innovations introduced to the French game such as banning the eating of raw garlic 24 hours before kickoff, and stopping the practise of players being able to change sides at half time if their side was losing.

1949 – POKE THE BEAR

Franklin V (in an effort to recruit the locals to play in the first ever rugby team in Montana) single-handedly played an exhibition match against a team of grizzly bears… and won while dressed in just his Stubbies, singlet and jandals.

1952 – AN (UN)OFFICIAL WORLD RECORD

Bruce V set the world record for a 100 metre dropkick that not only travelled the entire length of the field… he kicked it from his left foot and secured the five Nations grand slam over France at St. Helen’s Rugby and Cricket Ground in Swansea by 9 points to 5.

1961 – YEAH, NAH, MAYBE

Bruce VIII using the first recorded usage of “yeah, nah, it was a team effort and full credit to the boys, we ran it up the guts and it was a game of two halves with rugby being the winner at the end of the day” in an after match interview with the Poneke Tribune after the 1961 final of the Maurice Standish Cup.

While out running along the East Lothian coastline of Scotland, Cashy sees a man running into the water to save a family in an overturned yacht.

The man gets the family back to shore safely and while Cashy attends to them the mysterious man with a slick-backed mullet returned to the water and vanishes beneath the waves for a further 24 and something minutes.

The gathering crowd fearing the worst, are relieved to see the man’s head pop up above the water 1 km from the beach. Moving fast he then catches a wave and glides to shore towing the yacht to safety.

After the yacht is beached, he returns to the family, shakes the sand from his moustache, then pulls the small rugby ball, that the boy had just lost, from his pocket and gives it back, introducing himself as Bruce… After that Cashy and Bruce started spinning yarns and the Rugby Collective was born.